improvisingfatherhood:

thedaddycomplex:

Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.
Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!By Nate Smith
(*All patents are pending)
Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.
Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.
Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.
(photo by Lis Purdy)

Thanks to David for letting me play in his sandbox for a day.

improvisingfatherhood:

thedaddycomplex:

Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.

Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!
By Nate Smith

(*All patents are pending)

Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.

Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.

  1. Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
  2. Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
  3. Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter. 
  4. Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator. 
  5. Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
  6. Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
  7. When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
  8. Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
  9. Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
  10. Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.

(photo by Lis Purdy)

Thanks to David for letting me play in his sandbox for a day.

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 88 notes via/source
reblogged 2 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 137,527 notes via/source

yourkickstartersucks:

So if you remember that “Happiness From Nothing” bullshit white-savior Kickstarter from a while ago when the woman was going to go to Africa and take pictures of impoverished people or some shit and sell it, she’s moved websites and is trying again: 

https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/fj1e4?psid=dd88b0cdcdc146d1ac355c306084cd37&fb_ref=share__f3DY0e

reblogged 2 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 56 notes via/source
'You've got a way of picking up things you don't quite yet own.'
reblogged 2 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 4,871 notes via/source

reddpenn:

Reposting my randomly generated lands due to a bunch of image failures on the previous post.  Remembering how fun these were makes me want to do some more!

reblogged 3 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 5,528 notes via/source

mal-luck:

sailortweek:

Here is the RT Short to commemorate the “big move” from Congress Ave to 636 Ralph Ablanedo.

Summer of 2010

Griffon had to put a ton of Mehron Tattoo Covering Makeup on Geoff’s arms.

If I recall, the commentary said the makeup ruined someone’s car door when Geoff’s arm came in contact with it. =p

reblogged 9 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 1,356 notes via/source

heros-of-the-bluebox:

sluttyoliveoil:

cough

rough

though

through

why dont these words rhyme

but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do

reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 215,096 notes via/source
jill-bird:

You see Spongebob,  It’s a metaphor. You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but never give it the power to kill you.

jill-bird:

You see Spongebob,
It’s a metaphor. You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but never give it the power to kill you.

reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 65,797 notes via/source

lucariomegas:

*puts pocky stick in my mouth* see, its a metaphor, i put the weeaboo thing in my mouth without eating it, so im technically not a weeb

reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 13,082 notes via/source
reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 5,225 notes via/source

iguanamouth:

frenums:

do it. do pokemon

image

image

oh yeah. there they are. my two favorites. pichacoop and reggie watts

reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 1,654 notes via/source
boy: we even finish each other's s-
girl: steve buscemi
reblogged 18 hours ago @ 18 Apr 2014 with 96,009 notes via/source