Time for another guest post. This one comes from Tumblr’s own improvisingfatherhood.
Improvising Fatherhood’s Patented Parenting Techniques!
By Nate Smith
(*All patents are pending)
Wow, I have been a father for almost five years now. That’s half a decade, or as I like to call it, one fifth of a quarter of a century! During my time as a dad, I have developed a few unique techniques to dealing with children.
Today I am going to share with you some of my best parenting tips and tricks.
- Can’t get your kids to eat their food? Wait until they are asleep and then feed it to them intravenously.
- Kids shouldn’t spend too much time watching TV. Mix it up by letting them watch their favorite shows on an iPad, iPhone, or other mobile devices.
- Be an actual helicopter parent. Your kids would love it if you flew them around everywhere in a real helicopter.
- Keep your kids from getting spoiled by making them sleep in a Ziploc bag in the refrigerator.
- Don’t feed your kids junk food. Give them name-brand candy only.
- Even though you know you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your life and are somewhat unhappy with how your life has turned out, make sure to force your kids to live their lives exactly like you.
- When your kids are asleep whisper positive affirmations to them like, “It’s amazing I’ve managed to keep you alive this long.”
- Remember, kids can smell fear…and farts…and they will call you out on that.
- Make sure to back up all your pictures of your kids. That’s going to be valuable blackmail material some day.
- Don’t let your kids use the word headcanon. Just don’t.
(photo by Lis Purdy)
Thanks to David for letting me play in his sandbox for a day.
So if you remember that “Happiness From Nothing” bullshit white-savior Kickstarter from a while ago when the woman was going to go to Africa and take pictures of impoverished people or some shit and sell it, she’s moved websites and is trying again:
Here is the RT Short to commemorate the “big move” from Congress Ave to 636 Ralph Ablanedo.
Summer of 2010
Griffon had to put a ton of Mehron Tattoo Covering Makeup on Geoff’s arms.
If I recall, the commentary said the makeup ruined someone’s car door when Geoff’s arm came in contact with it. =p